The Ultimate Music Festival Weekend Camping Guide

Leave the NME alone. It’s music festival time again, and with T In The Park and Oxegen just weeks away, here’s the ultimate music festival survival guide to weekend camping - everything you need to to take along with you, to ensure you have a great time, camping at the festival!

You had better be into music events, hippie chick style, because at festivals, you don’t get away with much else….

A Pop Up Tent

You can get a good pop up tent for £30-40 and they are worth it, especially if the day you arrive, it’s going to be either late or pissing down. You can be snug as a bug in a rug in 2 minutes, having a fag while your pals are outside, starting to argue about which way up something goes and who’s the most useless boy scout in the group. Remember there are other items which you need to take along with you, to help you put the damn thing up. Like extra pegs, to make sure that you have lashed the tent to the ground securely. Don’t forget a good dependable mallet, either!

Fold Away Chairs

A couple of folding chairs to rest those bones in the evening and sit around in the morning, having your pot noodles (or tequila - whatever you’re offered first).

With your shades on and a cold beer in your hand - you can even sit on the hill watching your fave band with one of these bad boys if you can be arsed carrying it around.

A Rain Coat

A light rain coat you can keep in your pocket or bag is ideal to throw on over your garb, when it starts to pour down. You should also bring waterfront trousers and a towel with you if you’re really that well prepared. If it rains, you can shield yourself from the onslaught or dry yourself off afterwards.

Warm Clothing Like A Cardigan!

No matter what the temperature during the day, at night it’ll be fucking freezing, especially at the Scottish festivals. Make sure you got a warm cardigan or something, and a woolly hat is a sought after item at 1AM! To stop your brain from freezing from anything other than having too much drink.

Camping Stove and Kettle

A well as being a focal point to dance around out your tits, the old stove and kettle is a brilliant little life-saver for those hangover mornings, when you are in desperate need of a cup of tea or coffee.

Never will been a tin of beans heated in the can seem such an appealing prospect. Failing all that, stuff the stove and kettle and take loads of cash and eat, drink and be merry with someone else doing the cooking for a change.

Ear Plugs

So you’re absolutely fucked out your nut but your mind is racing, the last thing you want to hear as you try and drift off is the couple next to you shagging, or the neds in the next tent after-party-party kicking off. Also useful for missing the neds end -of after party -party-party shenanigans as they try to find their tents at 7 in the morning. With a pair of ear plugs, you can rise at noon, ready to kick off the party again like normal drug fueled ravers.

A Pair Of Wellies

If you don’t have a pair of wellies with you at a music festival, and it rains (which it will), you might very well have the worst weekend of your life (unless the drugs are top drawer). A £15 pair of comfortable farmer wellies does the trick - no need to break into the terramundi pot. Bear in mind that Wellies are the fashion talking point at festivals, so if you have a real flash pair, you might just find your social standing rises the more minging you and everybody else gets.

Imodium Tablets

Pop an Imodium tablet so you never need to go for a number 2 in the toilets. The last toilet I went into the amount of shit actually formed a small peak that actually rose just that bit too far above the bowl rim - luckily I looked before I sat- yuk.

An Imodium tablet each morning bungs you up pretty good and when you get back home things quickly get back to normal again.

Booze Cargo

It’s probably a mute point to remember you about your booze, but know most, if not all, music festivals in the UK forbid you to take alcohol into the camping area when the festival starts. Note you’re normally not allowed to take glass bottles in either.

A Couple Of Bin Bags

A standard bin bag has many uses. You can

1. Sit on it to avoid a soggy arse
2. Tie them on your feet to avoid trenchfoot if you forgot your wellie, you pleb!
3. Put your essential items in them, such as undies, socks etc, to prevent them from getting all damp and smelly, and finally
4. Do you bit for the environment by putting all your rubbish in them on the last day! Alternatively just wear it and nothing else and do a dance of the shamen round a campfire. Those were good drugs that evening, though.

Toilets & Toilet Roll

Toilets at festivals are fucking minging - never mind you usually have to queue for an age just for the privilege! The most comfort that you are likely to find, is in the middle of a field behind some shrubbery. But if you have constitution of a buffalo, then you could try queueing up. However, you should be warned, unless you have had your jags, I wouldn’t recommend wiping yourself down with any of their bog paper. Just bring your own… And I wouldn’t go at night. Not unless you really had to.

Waterproof/Sun cream

Honestly, even it’s pishing down most of the time, if your the sensitive skin type, you’ll probably get sunburnt!.

Take some sun cream, or try keeping your noggin covered with a Stone Roses summer hat. Slip on the shades and slap on the factor fifty. Skin cancer is on the rise I hear - It`s better to be safe than sorry.

Breath freshener/chewing gum

If you do not want to smell as if, you have been smoking a lot of fags, drinking a lot of beer and eating take out food, while you are smoking a lot of fags, drinking a lot of beer and eating take out food, then I suggest you stack up on chewing gum and mints.

It will keep your breath nice and fresh, and impress any dippy chicks, who think you`re the long lost Gallagher brother. It might also help your cause, of course, if you had a good supply of deodorant. Then again, if you don’t have any B.O. spray, then the ladies will more than likely find you repellent. However,at the same time, you should take some protection with you. Just in case they don`t.

If you are camping in Scotland, it would also be a good idea to bring insect, namely midgie repellent, because midgies are fucking monsters!

Something to drink

You should take some fresh clean water with you for drinking, washing your face and cleaning your teeth.

Baby Wet Wipes

Baby wipes to quickly wipe your face and pits (in that order if you have your wits about you).

A bloomin’ lifesaver!

Other Considerations

Camping out at music festivals is fun, and even better if you’re well prepared.

You should take some fast food to snack on. Filled rolls, maybe. Or sweets and fruit.

Chocolates, for example, or caramels or biscuits. It might be hard to get to a food tent to grab a burger. The lines will likely stretch half a mile, and your rumbling stomach might not be able to wait that long. So you should bring your own snacks. Just to keep you going.

It might be a good idea to bring your own plates along with you, plastic or otherwise. And coffee cups. Or plastic drink cups perhaps.

For many people though, the most important item, which they cannot live without, is their mobile. So, make sure that yours is topped up and fully charged. It could seriously help you out if you`re in trouble. And, it`s good to converse with your friends and let people know where you are - if you can get a fuckin’ signal of course!

Take a torch with you also. So that you could make out the headline act in the distance. Who probably won`t be on stage `til late at night. And, also, most importantly, a torch could prove very useful, when you have to find that patch of grass in the dark, that you call a lavy.

It is a sensible idea to take a first aid kit with you. In case of any accidents. If you fall down drunk, you might need somebody to bandage your head. And you also need some Paracetamol,to help you get over a different type of headache

A good idea to take a rucksack, or a backpack along. Something which you could sling over your shoulder and carry. It would make it easier, to lug this shit about.

PS - Leave the valuables at home if possible - there are a lot of thieving bastards who invade the festivals at night looking for goodies

Do you take anything else with you I have missed - leave a comment will you? And here’s a handy checklist for you, suitable for printing

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